My Story

my most lost and unfulfilled time came just before i had children

I returned to my hometown with my new husband after 11 years away and all of my friends had gone. I had lived in Manchester, London and, for 7 years, in Los Angeles and had gathered some of the most fun and loving friends along the way. Suddenly I was back home, with my small and wonderful family, but little else. I felt so lost.

In LA I had warm friendships, warm sun, a well paid job with compassionate colleagues at an parent and infant mental health charity, I did comedy sketch shows and went out dancing. Suddenly I was living back with my parents, looking for any work I could find and having to scale my ambitions waaaay back. My school friends had all moved away. The only work I could find was a 2 hour commute away and unfulfilling. I cried more than I had in a long time, feeling deeply lonely, lost and directionless.

We didn’t have the money for it, but we decided to get pregnant and for me this was a turning point. I began to feel a sense of future, purpose and fulfilment. I did dozens of paintings and never stopped dancing. The improvement only increased after I had our first son Albert and I was able to devote a year to spending time with him, going to groups and meeting other parents, making new friends.

Maternity leave gave me chance to reflect on what I wanted to pursue. When Albert was one I began training to be a psychotherapist, part time. I had our second son, Finian, in the summer break before my final year. My husband brought him to university at break times so I could feed him. See ‘checking my privilege’ section below!

Through the support of my husband, my family and friends and through attending therapy I was able to go from lost and lonely to content and fulfilled.

Checking my Privilege

It’s easier for some people to find fulfilment than others, due to various areas of privilege and I want to acknowledge some of mine!

As a white, cis, non-disabled person in a heterosexual marriage, I have inherent privileges. Add to this having financial and emotional support from my parents throughout my life so far, plus back-up from my wider family.

Next up, a supportive, stable husband who works from home, shares childcare with me and has supported us financially at times, allowing me to train in a new profession, see a number of clients that will not burn me out, start this new podcast, spend time on my hobbies and passions etc etc…

Furthermore, great health, good mental health and access to therapy when needed, and a low level of external stress and distress. Some of this is just pure good fortune.

Finally, loving and well behaved children, with great mental and physical health and few emotional and developmental challenges.

I acknowledge, as best I can, that it’s relatively easy for me to have a purposeful, enjoyable, balanced life due to all of this and more. It’s my mission to draw on the reserves that this gives me, to support others in their quest for fulfilment.