Working with Parents of Twins in 1–1 Adult Psychotherapy

Parenting twins can be a uniquely rewarding yet demanding experience. For many parents, the early years of raising two infants at once can bring joy, wonder, and connection — but also chronic exhaustion, emotional depletion, and identity strain. In 1–1 adult psychotherapy, parents of twins often present with concerns that go beyond general parenting stress. Understanding the specific dynamics of twin parenting allows therapists to offer more attuned, validating, and effective support.

The Psychological Landscape of Twin Parenting

1. The Double Demands of Early Care

Parents of twins face an amplified version of the physical and emotional labour involved in caring for one infant. Feeding, sleeping, and comforting two babies simultaneously can lead to a persistent sense of “never being enough.” Many parents describe feeling constantly divided — both physically and emotionally — and experiencing guilt about not being able to give each child equal attention.

This can contribute to:

  • Chronic fatigue and burnout

  • Heightened anxiety or postnatal depression

  • Feelings of failure or inadequacy

  • Strained partner relationships

For some parents of twins, infancy feels easier than the toddler years and beyond. Factors include safety issues and split demands once the children can move, fighting between the twins and a feeling of judgement from strangers if the twins develop challenging behaviour.

2. Identity and Role Challenges

The identity of “twin parent” can subsume a person’s previous sense of self. Particularly for mothers, the intensity of early twin care can lead to a loss of autonomy and social isolation. Parents may also find themselves compared to, or comparing themselves with, parents of singletons, reinforcing shame and self-criticism.

Therapists can help clients reconnect with their individual identity, exploring how they have been changed by parenting twins while acknowledging the sacrifices involved.

3. Attachment and Individuality Concerns

Parents often worry about how to form distinct attachments with each twin and foster each child’s individuality. This can generate deep guilt if one child appears more demanding or if the parent feels closer to one baby than the other. In therapy, exploring these ambivalent feelings without judgement can be profoundly relieving for clients.

An attachment-informed approach can help clients integrate these feelings and build self-compassion.

4. Couple and Family System Dynamics

Twin parenting can strain intimate partnerships. The practical and emotional load often falls disproportionately on one parent, and opportunities for couple connection may be scarce. Therapists can encourage open communication, mutual empathy, and realistic expectations of what support and intimacy can look like during this phase.

Parents may find that family members don’t feel capable of babysitting both children at once, reducing opportunities for parents to restore energy or to spend time as a couple.

Therapeutic Considerations

  1. Normalising and Containing
    Normalisation is key: helping parents understand that exhaustion, overwhelm, and mixed emotions are common and do not signify inadequacy. Offering containment — emotionally holding the client’s distress — can reduce shame and isolation.

  2. Exploring Guilt and Splitting
    Parents of twins may unconsciously “split” feelings — idealising one child, resenting the other, or alternating between exhaustion and intense affection. Therapists can support clients to notice and integrate these complex emotional states, reducing internal conflict.

  3. Working with the Fantasy of the “Perfect Twin Parent”
    Cultural and social media ideals of effortless parenting can compound pressure. Gently challenging perfectionism and inviting compassion can be central therapeutic work.

  4. Supporting Self-Care and Social Connection
    Therapists can help clients find sustainable ways to rest, ask for help, and rebuild social contact. Identifying small, achievable moments of self-care can be transformative in periods of depletion.

Resources and Signposting

Providing practical resources alongside psychological support can empower parents and reduce isolation. Useful signposts include:

Twin and Multiple Birth Associations

  • Twins Trust (UK)
    Offers practical advice, online communities, peer support, and information on twin-specific challenges, including mental health. Resources here

Perinatal Mental Health Support

Peer and Community Forums

  • Local twin clubs or online support groups (often hosted via Facebook or WhatsApp) can reduce isolation and offer practical advice from other parents of multiples.

Specialist Reading

  • Multiples Illuminated: A Collection of Stories and Advice from Parents of Twins, Triplets and More (Woolsey & Lee)

  • What to Do When You're Having Two: The Twins Survival Guide from Pregnancy Through the First Year (Diaz)

  • Further books here at Goodreads

Conclusion

In psychotherapy, supporting parents of twins means more than addressing parenting stress — it involves recognising the distinctive relational, emotional, and identity-based complexities of twin parenting. By offering attuned empathy, validating ambivalence, and connecting clients with appropriate resources, therapists can help parents reclaim balance, self-worth, and meaning in their unique journey.

If you are a parent of twins seeking counselling and psychotherapy, contact me here to discuss working together in person (Keighley and Bingley, West Yorkshire) or online, UK-wide.