As Featured in Counselling Matters!

In July’s issue of Counselling Matters, I have a three page article about the podcast!

Finding Me Again - Passion, Purpose & Parenting

Feeling lost, stuck, disconnected from the self or unfulfilled after having children is a theme that has come flowing out of my client work over the past 6 years. I’m sure that this resonates with many of you, whether as a counsellor, a parent or both.

In response, I have created a new podcast ‘Finding Me Again’ for busy parents who have lost or found themselves after having children. Along with my guest each episode, I guide listeners to explore the path to a fulfilling, passionate life and I celebrate some of the people who have helped me to work towards this myself.

For many of us who don’t usually juggle homeschooling in with the balance of parenting, the pandemic was a huge adjustment, sometimes overwhelmingly so. Perhaps you found as I did that seeing clients from home on Zoom, then making the 10 second commute to become a teacher or cook in the kitchen, with all my children’s curious questions and requests to attend to...was a little mind scrambling at times. I needed me-time and connection with my passions more than ever.

I’ve always loved to dance and weekly Zumba classes had been an essential part of my self care and expression for a decade. Early in lockdown I stumbled on a dance group in Australia - The Living Room Dance Project. They were choreographing routines to cheesy 80s hits then editing together videos of everyone doing the dance from home. I joined and danced ‘with’ them weekly (and still do), dressing up in leotards and wigs, staying connected to my silly, creative, expressive self and making connections across the world also.

The leader of the group was the first guest on my podcast and she has a stunning story of choreographing rural communities including farm machinery and all ages and abilities, then facing postpartum psychosis as a new mum, through to finding herself again through community dance projects accessible to all. Check out the Neridah Waters episode, with snippets of 80s cheese woven in, to hear more.

Take-aways included:

• Pay attention to balance. After teaching classes and dancing for three days per week, Neridah rests, accesses physiotherapy, massage, yoga and stretching, and protects her ‘introvert time’ with her family, turning down invitations if needed. 

• Think about what you loved before kids, or as a child, what makes you feel alive, and explore ways to reconnect with these passions. 

• Write frustrations down to be clear about what you want to explore. Neridah used The Artist’s Way (Julia Cameron, 1992) technique of writing daily morning pages - a stream of consciousness - to identify patterns and complaints in her body and desires to be acted on.

The community I’m trying to create is for all parents and my second guest was dad and writer Jamie Brittain, who created Skins and writes for Breeders - a painful but compelling and funny series about being a parent. Like Neridah he sang the praises of his therapist as part of the journey to recovery and fulfilment. At the height of his success, Jamie was in the Priory receiving treatment for OCD and continued with years of therapy, to prepare for being a dad. 

Take-aways included:

• Do one thing at a time, with everything you have. Minimise distractions and throw yourself into playing with your child and engaging in your hobbies and passions.

• Engage in therapy and keep going even when the returns seem limited. Invest in this self-exploration for yourself as a person and to benefit your parenting.

• Notice if you are feeling resentful of others’ happiness. Use this as a sign of being unfulfilled and disconnected. Prioritise self-reflection, attend therapy if you can, address it.

• Do not compare yourself to other parents, whether favourably or negatively.

• Explore forms of meditation, which for Jamie included playing a video game Spelunky. 

• Play.

I have two more episodes in the bag so far - one with design mentor, podcaster and mum Emma Isaacs, on how to make time for creativity, and another with Emma Baylin of Shared Harmonies, a community singing charity, who maintained her sense of self through singing despite the challenges that came her way. Fortnightly episodes will follow.

I send a video to my mailing list subscribers to accompany each episode. Videos so far include ‘3 Ways to Tap into Childhood Passions for a More Fulfilling Life’ and ‘How to Become More Playful and Present as a Parent.’

Please join me and spread the word to clients or anyone in your life who might benefit! Subscribe on iTunes, Spotify, Google Play or wherever you get your podcasts, or listen at www.findingmeagain.me/podcast - where you can also sign up to my mailing list.

Rachel Lackey (MNCS Prof Accred)